Tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow...

"Creeps in this petty pace from day to day." Yes, I borrowed a very famous line from Will Shakespeare from his infamous play Macbeth. I recently went to Macbeth auditions at Texas State University and did not get that illustrious callback that I so desired. To play Lady Macbeth or one of the witches is an actress' dream and one that is still far away in my own life. I'm disappointed... sad that I was so ill during auditions that it hurt for me to move or to even breathe and so I probably looked like a frozen amateur instead of the auditioning veteran that I am. So, I'm torn, but I know there are other shows next semester... I won't necessarily be looking forward to the day to day patterns of life, but the future... what it holds for me and how I shape it with my actions today.

Pain or Boredom?

So, this comes with some thoughts I've had recently through some extracurricular crap that has been going on in my life and mistakes that I've made. I am posing this question: would you rather be alone and not felt anything or with friends, a lover, etc and feel everything, including the pain?

When looking back at my life, there are some definite 'I wouldn't change it if I had to' and there are the 'I could have dealt without having to go through that.' And so, I wonder if the pain is worth it? Obviously, it tells us we are alive and in a sense, connects us to one another; we now have the ability to empathize with another person, even if we will never meet them. Also, I wonder, does the pain make us more interesting? Art, theatre, etc would say so because happiness does not sell as well. The papparazzi don't look for happy couples; they look for dysfunction and we buy it. We buy a magazine about someone else's 'stuff' so we can forget about our own or so we feel better about ourselves. Shouldn't we spend that time instead fixing our own?

I guess in answer to my own question: I'd rather have a life of dark clouds for just the chance or just one silver lining than a life of emptiness and regret. 'It is better than to have loved and lost...' after all.

Rejection

Actors are funny creatures at times. Think about it: we spend hours working on monologues and going to countless auditions, just to hear one 'yes.' However, we hear 'no' so many times that we become accustomed to it and then 'no' loses its meaning (not that way). No, simply means to us, there is something better out there, a better part, a better play, etc all we have to do is try again. If you're a true-blue, can't-do-anything-else actor, then this is a piece of cake, even though still difficult at times or at the beginning-- don't get me wrong there. Rejection does suck.

And so it is in real life too. We can pour our hearts out to someone we still care for, shout sonnets of I'll do anything for you, and if we still receive that daunting little word, we might cry, yell, get way too drunk, but after it's all said and done... we take an aspirin and dust ourselves off. So, if you're not an actor wondering how to handle rejection, look at it like this: what other, better possibilities are out there? And if you're too afraid to ask, remember... all they can say is no!

My First Real Blog

I started this blog mainly because I realized I was writing way too much on my myspace and that just wasn't the venue for it. I am an actor, or actress if you must be gender specific, and a lot of what I talk about has to do with theatre or is used as examples in what I talk about. I'm also moving in 4 days to San Marcos where I'll be finishing my acting degree at Texas State and so it gives me a place to talk about what's going on so all my friends elsewhere can check up on me or spy or whatever. It'll be a place of randomness some days and others, of all seriousness and maybe give you an idea of why actors are the way we are. It's about how we see life and how the outside world tends to affect us, maybe even introduce the art of theatre into your lives. So, here's going. Ciao!